Happy on the Outside and Unhappy at the Inside

A sense of unhappiness has creep into me again...

"What is it this time?" I asked myself.

"I've got somebody to turn to and support me during my darkest moment of life," said another inner voice of mine (guess that is the angel bit of me).

"You are not good and you does not deserve that," said yet another voice (guess tat is the devil thoughts).

"Shhoooo, off you go, pls leave me alone," I whisper to myself.

A question I asked myself, "Now things are settling in, are you set to go on the next target?"

Without much hesitation, my heart shouted, "NO!"

There's a hollow and empty space within me...a blackhole that is sucking me in and causing me to lose the purpose of life and more often than not, telling me that there are no purpose in living and all that I am chasing (i.e. for a better live) have got no use and the only useful thing that I can be of use is to end it.

Most of the time, when I sleep I would not want to wake up and hope I can forever be a "Sleeping Beauty" sleeping my way through all those fantasy dreams and all those happy moments that I had in my dreams.

Read an article in Reader's Digest recently and one of the article captured my attention and left me thinking...nevertheless, my case might not be as severe as the author, but I have personally experience a "brush-off" of the feeling and some of the incidents before...but I guess I am no where near to use the "D" word on myself but I really am fearing on walking towards that direction.

listening to the oldies

Honestly, call me old as you like, but I do find oldies more soothing to my ears than the new songs from those Lady Gaga electrofying music....

Oldies brings back memories and also the meaning of the songs somehow or rather touches you -jz like raindrops dropping onto water puddle - all over you the sadness and happiness of the song, whichever it maybe.

And more ofter than not, you start humming the song over and over again without you noticing it...marvelous isnt it?? It's like back to schooling time again when we used to sing during every single interval of classess or exchanging lyrics and teaching each other how the song really sounds like in the CDs / casettes...really missing that time...singing all day long...

memories + oldies = THE CURRENT ME....

P/s : thanks Bro for sending me the song...It's now on air at my workplace...

My daily intake has been formed

I am now forming my daily nutritional intake.

This is important as the investment that I'm putting in now shall benefit me in years to come...

But I've got a problem...forgetfulness and discipline....haha....

Crossing my fingers and marking my alarm clock to remind me...

Hope all of you would eventually come out wif ur own daily intake target for a healthier life...

It is simply not enuf

So many incidents happen since the previous time I blog. Some good and bad things of which i wanted to forget and there are also some that I wan to remember...

Moving down to Singapore and finally settling in with a place to stay and a secured job. So what next? I asked myself...what is the next step that I wanted to pave myself into. Logging for my RICS?? SISV?? ISM?? All the goals that I have set during my uni graduation has not been realised yet...Am I a disappointment??

Every now and then, I look at the people beside me taking up part time courses to improve and add value to themselves...and here I am wandering in the "dark" forest in search of what I want in life. But will I know when i get there, as I have no whatsoever intention to head towards the direction. I am lost and appear focus. That is something that I can't seem to understand that myself.

Ending in this new job, allows me to have more time for my loved ones and also more benefits (i.e. medical, AL, etc) but it seem that the only way to crawl up the ladder is to get the ass of the bosses high...it was not what I am good in nor is that what i intended to do...why why why...does it mean that you don't have to be good at your job to get higher but with a mouth of sugar, it will get you to places you never dreamt of no matter how bad you have been technically.

I previously read an email which quoted Mother Teresa saying, "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." which have now become my wallpaper to remind me that I am not here to judge them but to learn on how to smoke asses and jack asses...guess that is the skill that will keep me busy learning for the coming years.

So with all said, do you still think that qualification plays any role in your daily battle?? Does professionalisme brings you anywhere?? But one thing for sure, sugar mouth and sweet talk do get you what you want no matter how bad you are.

Funny, isn't it. the lesson of life and clearly shows, people listens to things that they wanted to and not the reality that are slapping them on the face. But this is life...this is working life...a life that I have grown to take it as "It's just a JOB to pay all my bills and get my desire accomplished" ... the weightage of JOB in my defination as drop from a HERO to a ZERO.

P/s : I did gave my mum a hug and I sheded tears...intended to gave bro a hug, but was too afraid that he might get embarrass with too many people ard...ended up jz giving him a pitch at his arm. As daddy has been notti, so no hugs for him :P