what am i feeling at this very moment?? NUMBNESS...
i'm in a state of breaking down now - hate to admit but indeed I AM BREAKING DOWN....
i'm already not in a state to work since August....until NOW...yes NOW...if i count it...it would be approximately 7 months....7 MONTHS...can u believe it...and here i am still at the same place and still hoping for my interest to find me again....call me DREAMING...call me SLACKER...call me whatever you want....i'm facing this job on weekdays and i rather escape than be sitting in my cubicle and feeling like S**T.

COOL DOWN i heard...i barely recognise the old me anymore...i'm no longer HAPPY....no longer excited about learning....no no no...nothing....i'm here struggling to drag myself to work EVERY MORNING, hope to reach office an hour and it's breaktime / end of the day!! staying in my cubicle trying to keep the work pile at bay...making sure ppl wont start shooting me with their emails and their harsh statements....am i in control of this??? I would have to take all that in and still smile when i meet the person again...and what did i get in return??? ppl is saying that i'm taking things too seriously....TOO SERIOUSLY...u read me right...am i suppose to work in an environment full of S**ting around and still go smiling and everyone??? cos tat will show that i don take things into heart!!

even sitting down alone here...typing this blog...tears are flowing...not bcos i'm sad...it is cos i cant control myself into not crying when i start thinking of work and all the people i work with....i feel like TRASH...i feel LOW of myself and having NO PRIDE. WHERE AM I???? no longer do i see anymore light from where i am heading....making thing achievable for myself to achieve is no longer in my life anymore....

Nevertheless, listening to this song, somehow calm me down...Little Superhero Girl by Corrinne May and Life is Like a Boat by Rei Fu (it's a Japanese song)

Be sure to visit me fast...before i turn ALIEN to u!!!