what am i feeling at this very moment?? NUMBNESS...
i'm in a state of breaking down now - hate to admit but indeed I AM BREAKING DOWN....
i'm already not in a state to work since August....until NOW...yes NOW...if i count it...it would be approximately 7 months....7 MONTHS...can u believe it...and here i am still at the same place and still hoping for my interest to find me again....call me DREAMING...call me SLACKER...call me whatever you want....i'm facing this job on weekdays and i rather escape than be sitting in my cubicle and feeling like S**T.

COOL DOWN i heard...i barely recognise the old me anymore...i'm no longer HAPPY....no longer excited about learning....no no no...nothing....i'm here struggling to drag myself to work EVERY MORNING, hope to reach office an hour and it's breaktime / end of the day!! staying in my cubicle trying to keep the work pile at bay...making sure ppl wont start shooting me with their emails and their harsh statements....am i in control of this??? I would have to take all that in and still smile when i meet the person again...and what did i get in return??? ppl is saying that i'm taking things too seriously....TOO SERIOUSLY...u read me right...am i suppose to work in an environment full of S**ting around and still go smiling and everyone??? cos tat will show that i don take things into heart!!

even sitting down alone here...typing this blog...tears are flowing...not bcos i'm sad...it is cos i cant control myself into not crying when i start thinking of work and all the people i work with....i feel like TRASH...i feel LOW of myself and having NO PRIDE. WHERE AM I???? no longer do i see anymore light from where i am heading....making thing achievable for myself to achieve is no longer in my life anymore....

Nevertheless, listening to this song, somehow calm me down...Little Superhero Girl by Corrinne May and Life is Like a Boat by Rei Fu (it's a Japanese song)

Be sure to visit me fast...before i turn ALIEN to u!!!

AffEcTiOn

This morning, like any ordinary morning, out of house and head to the mrt, took out my jz borrowed book from the library and start reading while waiting for the train arrival.....the train reach earlier, wasnt able to reach my desired door....today's entry door was my 1st door entry location as it is not strategic at all - not near to my exit escalator....i very much prefer to board the train at my desired door as to cut the time short to reach my exit from the station.

neway, joyfully i continue reading my book from the page that i left...2 stops and suddenly a couple (formally dressed and definitely a white collar worker) start hugging each other while sitting on the bench!!! - and so happen i was diagonally in front of them!!! i didnt quite take notice at 1st except that they start hugging and cuddling each other...then they start kissing...how affectionate!!! in front of a "sardine" like train passanger. next stop (3rd stop) reach and the guy bid goodbye, the gal look sad....some aunty took over his seat and start doing her business....(haha...can see from the corner of my eyes ma...so obvious i already stop reading my book but still keep in open)

why am i blogging about this incident, seriously, only one thing can be - I HAVE NOTHING TO BLOG ABOUT....chances are THIS COUPLE IRRITATES THE WHOLE SECTION OF PASSANGER IN THE TRAIN!!!!