the whole day he hasn't called...normally he'll call in the morning to buzz me up for work....but not today...a mere message...that's what i've received.
we did not talk for the whole day, not even a single email...until i forwarded him a mail...and he replied "how is your day?"...i feel awkward talking to him now...and couldnt resist but asked him "do u feel weird talking to me?"..which he reluctantly says "frankly, it feels weird"...
just one incident is good enuf and bad enuf for both of us...a relationship so fragile and hairline cracked earlier...
he called when i asked "are you comfortable to talk?". if he hadnt called then it would have been better, as i'll guessing and keep thinking on how my reaction will be if he called and when we meet. as soon as he called, then i realised that it turns out worst than i thought...i cant talk to him like how i usually does...the tones and the topics has now sunk back and i would very much prefer to stay silent and jz hang up the phone...but i say to myself...no matter how, i should make an effort in improving the situation and save the relationship...i should not give up so easily on the two of us...after all that we have been through. as the conversation turn more and more "warmed up"...a joke really save the conversation and keep me going and finally he laughed over my lame joke...i stil want to make him laugh, i stil want to be the one he turn to when he's in doubt, i stil want to the the one he ask for opinion, i stil want to be the one that bugs him for every little thing in my daily life, i stil want to be the one that make him worry everytime i told him i'm lost, i stil want to be the one that make u go feel like a child again...i want to be the one that will be with you when it is now the darkest moment of your life and day...i'm selfish to be thinking of myself right now, u need to recover from your sickness. but frankly, i'm intimidated by the articles that i read - but other than that, i really hope i can take care of you and prevent the outbreak again. there's always ways to prevent it!!
then the conversation ends, and i went back to work and wrote the previous blog...
later hw called me again, while i'm on my way back from work...i've been doing a lot of thinking...seriously, there's a lot of things to be thought through...and when he called, we turn stranger again..then he asked "your tones are different from just now. anything happen that you want to tell me?"...a person who are unable to keep ones emotions - that's what i'm lousy at...whilst i'm stil thinking with no solutions in my mind, i'm stil unable to face you...
it was a hectic jig-saw puzzle and Q&A session, i headed to McD for a Chocoloate Sundae to cheer my day up...and i'm stil talking to him...and stil thinking...and watching out for an uncle who tailed me yesterday, and causes me to go one big round to reach home. but soon as i reach, he's there cycling on another block of apt....scarry...i rush to my block and jam the door, without thinking of anything but to be safe and sound in the shelter of other ppl's home (the landlord - who else were u, readers thinking??). anyway, i'm stil talking to him while i'm doing all that...as soon as i reach home, i bid him goodbye for shower and some houseworks...after i've thought thru the whole thing, i called him (well, normally i'll jz miss call and he'll call back - as he insisted that i save the credit to call back home, plus he calls me for free - that comes with the subscriptions) then it turns out to be okay-okay...but...things will never be the same again...until an unknown time that will cure the and glue back the hairlines between the 2 of us...then we're gonna talk on how we're going to handle the virus!!
we din say our normal goodbyes and no muaks, no BB&DD, no nothing....jz simple ByeBye....and hangup...a playful person i am, i did not hang up the phone...in which he alwiz insist that i'm the 1st to hang up and i am in the power to hang up the phone, and he'll be the receiver of the whole action. i purposely did not hang up the phone after we bid goodbye....and he stil remain the line valid and in connection...and that make me feel better, as it shows that we both are trying to save the relationship and i'm not here working things out...
"we'll face it together"..thats wat u always say...
i really hope time will cure the wound and the hairlines....hope he will recover (partially and keep the virus at bay) and back to his normal self again...U stil need to work to Support Me!!!!
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